The D.U.E.T. Process

The short and powerful techniques of the D.U.E.T. process can be used to solve tensions and transform their roots.

Not every technique is suited for every kind of tension. On this page you will read which problems you can solve with which technique and what the result is of applying each technique.

Compassion Technique

For which problem is this an appropriate technique?

  • Conflicts between people
  • Difficult cooperation
  • Feeling limited by someone else (e.g. not feeling heard, seen, appreciated or taken seriously)

Behavior (what can you see or hear)

  • “It’s the fault of my colleague (manager, customer, supplier) that I can’t …”
  • “Since my colleague (manager, customer, supplier) doesn’t see me, hear me or give me space, I can’t …”
  • “I can’t put these two team members at the same project.”
  • Complaining
  • Gossiping
  • Blaming someone else

Result of applying the Compassion Technique

  • Feeling less restricted and more space
  • Seeing options again or seeing more options
  • More openness to start a conversation (again)
  • More understanding
  • More inner strength

Compassionate Problem Solving

For which problem is this an appropriate technique?

  • It takes forever to solve a practical problem
  • The decision making process takes a lot of time or is dominated by the hierarchy or extraverts (what leads to ignoring important input from introverts or minorities)
  • Compromises that nobody is enthusiastic about
  • Being stuck in dilemmas (or-or thinking)

Behavior (what can you see or hear)

  • Endless discussions or meetings (that waste time and drain energy)
  • Searching for a scapegoat (sometimes out of self-protection)
  • Lots of opinions are voiced, but often not by experts or team members who are confronted with the problem
  • Those in a power position take a decision or the solution of the people who shout the loudest is chosen (what often leads to personal or interpersonal tensions)

Result of applying Compassionate Problem Solving

  • Short meetings
  • Meetings give energy
  • Decisions are taken quickly, by those who have the necessary expertise (team members or experts, even if they are introverts), while taking valid objections from others into account
  • Rules apply to everybody, whatever their position in the hierarchy or how loud their voice is (which prohibits arbitrariness and ensures safety)
  • More options for dilemmas (since there are at least 5 other options between completely separated or-or solutions and totally integrated and-and solutions)
  • The way of conducting meetings and taking decisions solves more tensions than it creates

ABCs of Destressing

For which problem is this an appropriate technique?

When someone experiences mental, psychological or physical stress

Behavior (what can you see or hear)

  • Fear for public speaking
  • Shame regarding mistakes (which are consequently covered up)
  • Not feeling capable of doing one’s job (which leads to cringing or taking refuge in energy drinks or alcohol)
  • Not feeling worthy
  • Stress from traffic
  • Stress from combining working and taking care of a family

Result of applying the ABCs of Destressing

  • Calmness
  • Inner strength
  • Stress symptoms disappear

Compassion Quadrants

For which problem is this an appropriate technique?

  • Argument between two people
  • Two team members work together well for 90% of the time, but in 10% they get into a fight they can’t get out of

Behavior (what can you see or hear)

  • “That colleague (manager, supplier, customer) irritates me”
  • “Their behavior annoys the living daylights out of me”
  • “A colleague blames me of being …”
  • “I can’t be myself”

Result of applying the Compassion Quadrants

  • Discovery of the positive qualities behind the negative behavior of the other person (which leads to more understanding and peace)
  • Discovery of the positive qualities behind the behavior you are blamed for (which leads to more understanding and peace)
  • Insights in the destructive pattern between the other person and yourself and how to transform this to a constructive pattern
  • Detection of your own talents
  • Detection of areas for personal growth
  • Discovery of your inner saboteur

Inner Balance Technique

For which problem is this an appropriate technique?

Your shadow sides, inner saboteur, blind spots, unconscious beliefs and patterns hold you back to be the best version of yourself.

Behavior (what can you see or hear)

  • Self sabotage
  • Irrational behavior
  • Using rational arguments to justify irrational behavior
  • Fear for looking at blind spots

Result of applying the Inner Balance Technique

  • Achieve your goals with less effort
  • More satisfaction
  • More happiness

Compassionate Communication

For which problem is this an appropriate technique?

Needs and concerns are not voiced in a clear way (which leads to frustration from all involved parties)

Behavior (what can you see or hear)

  • Frustration is expressed in an aggressive or offensive way
  • People don’t succeed in formulating their needs or concerns in a way they are understood by others
  • There are lots of judgments (which are in fact expressions of unsatisfied needs)
  • Frustrations are voiced, but people don’t say what they want or need, or which suggestions they have
  • Right/wrong or yes/no games

Result of applying Compassionate Communication

  • You can voice your needs or concerns in a way that people hear you
  • You can support someone to go beyond venting and to communicate their needs or concerns in a clear way
  • People can communicate with each other in a constructive way
  • The communication solves more tensions than it creates